Rehab
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Hi, my name is JulieSue and I'm an addict.
It started so innocently. I was having trouble falling asleep (even though I was exhausted) and staying asleep (I would hear my baby cry when he was fast asleep OR I would wake up and just stare at the video monitor) so I turned to the OTC aisle at the local CVS. One night, I popped half a Tylenol PM before bed and, amazingly, I woke up, 8 hours later, feeling refreshed and revived and ready to take on the (baby) world. It worked so well that I took 1/2 the next night, 1/2 the night after, and then incorporated the pill popping into my nighttime routine (brush teeth, remove contacts, take pill). At some point, 1/2 a pill turned into 1 pill and occasionally, when I'm feeling extra spunky, I go crazy and take 2 whole pills.
I called my mom to tell her about my little addiction and she said, "can't hurt you, in fact, you'll get fewer colds." My mom attended the same medical school as this guy.
A shameless celeb effer, I'm following the lead of my US Weekly headliners and checking myself into Tylenol PM rehab. This is the same facility that we used when we needed to cure Ari of his pacifier addiction. Dr. Drew is not here...and it sure is not a "party at the palms" (if you get that reference, I salute you). I doubt I'll get to see Lindsay Lohan or Catherine Zeta Jones, but if I'm lucky, the manager of this joint (a tall redhead easily bribed with gummy bears) will take pity on me (and my withdrawal symptoms) and slip me some benadryl at 2am.
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