Til death do us part

One of my closest friends from college got married this weekend, so Matt and I took our first overnight trip sans baby.  (I'm pretty sure Ari did better than I.)

Watching my friend Gayle and her husband Jason walk down the aisle and say their vows reminded me of my own wedding 5 1/2 years ago.  What an incredible 5+ years we have had together.  We've laughed, we've travelled, we've celebrated, and we've started a family.  We're lucky and we're happy.  However, I realized that there are a few points that should have been part of our marriage contract, but thankfully (for me), were left out.  Yup, it seems my poor husband has had to witness a few things no husband should ever have to see. 

#1 Multiple seasons of The Bachelor and the Real Housewives (and Keeping up with the Kardashians and Bethenney and the Millionaire Matchmaker.  But I'm pretty sure he enjoys some of these shows.)

#2 His wife's hemorrhoids when she's 9 months pregnant.  He wanted to watch the birth of our little baby,  soooo, what's the difference if I made him examine them weeks before the due date?  (Plus, I had to give him an enema once.  And come on, that is so much worse.)

And then there's the thing that makes me look more ridiculous and more unattractive than anything else I have to do.  It's something I only do in private.  In fact, I usually lock myself in a bathroom so I can be sure nobody else is looking.  And, it's the thing that makes me break a sweat until I'm finished. 

So, having Matt walk in on me in the hotel room mid-act made me feel so sorry for my wonderful husband.

Coming in at #3...

Pulling up a pair of Spanx.  (Wait a sec, get your mind out of the gutter.  What did you think I was going to say?)

Mazal tov Gayle & Jason.  I wish you a lifetime of health, happiness, and a few things you never have to share with one another.